Barney Miller Memorable Moment: James Gregory

James Gregory shows up in a great many classic television shows, including Columbo. I love him best, however, in Barney Miller where he plays the "old-school" Frank Luger. 

Frank Luger underscores the true tolerance of Barney Miller--not tolerance for a select group but tolerance even for the loud, tactless, old-school, supporter of corrupt politicians, fundamentally decent Luger.

What I love the most with Gregory is his physical acting. Barney Miller reminds me of The Closer; when rewatching The Closer, I often get the impression that James Duff, the producer, told a guest star, "Just do whatever you want! What character type do you want to play?" 

I feel the same with the guest stars on Barney Miller. 

The images are when Luger discovers the panties that a male shoplifter stole. He calls the man a pervert, asks him who is going to vote for, waves the panties around, and then nearly walks off with them. 

The entire sequence is utterly hilarious, made more so by rapidly changing expressions on Gregory's mobile face. 

 

Great Sitcom Moment: Running in Airports

In "Wedding Planning," Last Man Standing, Mandy and Eve have a great exchange where Mandy describes the trope of the couple that make up by running to each other in airports. Eve comments that post-9/11, that trope is no longer possible. "The terrorists have made it harder to fall in love."

The episode includes a notable insight by Mandy when she reflects that Ryan "running away" from Boyd and Kristin turned him into a guy who could come back and be a decent father and husband. Generally speaking, deadbeat dads are not usually reformable but Ryan was young enough--and Kristin un-angry enough--to justify their later relationship. I find it entirely plausible that Kristin and Ryan may even have been in contact over the missing years.

The episode also has a great Christmas-New Year's-themed line from Mike when he states, "We've got to figure out how to forgive this boy."

Belated Happy Rat and Mouse Day

Yesterday, November 12th, was Rat and Mouse Day. It reminded me of a subplot in a Castle episode where Alexis takes care of her boyfriend's rat while he is away. It gets lost, and she spends most of the episode trying to find it (with Martha declaring that she is checking into a hotel). She apologizes to the boyfriend who is very accepting.

THAT story reminded me of a Home Improvement episode in which Brad takes care of his girlfriend's fish. It dies (from the bowl being placed too close to the light). His brother suggests they buy a replacement, so they head off with the dead fish in Brad's pocket. I actually found it somewhat unbelievable that they couldn't find a replacement, but they don't, so he has to tell the girlfriend who forgives him.

 

And...I don't buy it. Neither subplot. I believe that these excessively sweet-natured and forgiving and noble-minded teens would, eventually, forgive their significant others for killing their pets. But right then? In the moment of being told? You leave a pet with someone and it ends up lost or dead? Wouldn't you be just a little pissed...at first?

August 18th: Bad Poetry Day

 It's Bad Poetry Day tomorrow, and time once again for Baldrick!

May 25th: Geek Pride Day

There is so much to celebrate!

In my novel Anubis on Mars, one of my detectives, Rhys, reflects:

He could see the technicians conferring over data on their tablets. He was comforted to know that anywhere in the universe at any moment, the minutiae of discovery still enchanted certain people. 

When I wrote those lines, I thought of one of my favorite scenes from Big Bang Theory. I love the thrill the guys get from turning on the lamp by sending a signal around the world--and it is very cool!

"Because we can!" 

Two Short Jokes

I'm short. I don't mind. And I think short jokes can be very funny.

Example One

The podium in Spin City. It is raised to give the tall mayor the illusion of being less tall--and therefore, supposedly less intimidating. When Michael J. Fox's character, Mike Flaherty (Alex Keaton, all grown up) walks behind it, he disappears. Flaherty, of course, takes the event in stride. (Click on the image to see the clip.)

Example Two

Doris Sherman (Katherine Helmond) comes to persuade Hayden to become her coach. She walks into a room where everyone, including Shelley Fabares, is taller than her. Katherine Helmond is 5'2", my height. 

She comments that she had to drive so far into the woods to find Hayden's cabin, she thought she would encounter Big Foot. 

She turns and sees Dauber. 

"Hello," she says in an oh-there-you-are tone. 

Bill Faberbakke is 6'6"--the perfect height for a football coach!

Have Fun with Frasier!

Want to take a break from your day? 

Here it is!

Great Comic Moments: Playing all the Parts

In My School President, Gun complains about having to play a part in the school play, adding, "Why can't Tiw do it?" 

Tiw replies by listing off all the parts he has to play. (He is also the director.)

In Frasier's "Ham Radio," Niles shows up to help with the radio play, only to discover that the professional actor that Frasier hired quit due to Frasier's over-directing. Niles is now expected to play multiple characters, such as Hans, the German butler; O'Toole, the gardener; Prudence McAllister (and her sister), and Pepo the Dwarf. 

I'm short on bullets.

Frasier, of course, then attempts to over-direct Niles, who sabotages the play by killing off all his characters (and everybody else's).  

And years ago, in London, I saw The Reduced Shakespeare Company's The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged). The performance is supposed to be managed by 3 people. That night, it was managed by 2!

There is something about people rushing about being more than one person that is terribly funny--it probably goes back to French farces and single people in different disguises leaping out of closets and cupboards. 

Who will we see and hear this time?

Great Quote about History: Last Man Standing

Outdoor Man is putting on a Buffalo Bill show except Mike--who runs the PR department--rejects the use of historically accurate terminology. He isn't being politically correct. He simply doesn't mistake the event for anything other than what it is: an advertising campaign. 

Ed protests. The original script is "authentic."

Mike replies, "Yeah, but protestors are rarely interested in facts. And unfortunately we don't get picketed by angry historians."

I love this line because...Wouldn't it be great if venues did get picketed by angry historians?! 

Instead of whining because something is offensive, these picketing historians would march about demanding, "Uncertainty! Offensive material! Archaic terms! Ambiguous historical personages! Wrongheaded perspectives! Actual documentation rather than slathering contemporary theories that don't take reality and human nature into account! NO 'right side of history.' Context! Full context! Real history now! Love it!!"

Mourning for Phil Hartman

Reminding the world of Phil Hartman is a worthy task. Since his birth date is tomorrow (September 24th), I am re-posting about him. His post is also an opportunity to point out a great cat! 

* * *

When Phil Hartman was killed, I had no idea who he was. My knowledge of celebrities is rather piecemeal. For instance, I could tell you about Warhol's Udo Kier, but I didn't, for the longest time, have a clue who Jennifer Lopez was. Except she dated Ben Affleck, and I didn't know who he was either.

So Phil Hartman was killed, and I thought it was sad, but that's about all.

Then, about two years later, I got into the habit of watching Newsradio during my lunch hour. A half-hour of chuckles really sets you up for the rest of the day, and I love the kind of straight-man comedy that Dave Foley pulls off. And is anyone more adorable than Stephen Root? He's one of those actors who makes me laugh simply by showing up on the screen. Actually, that entire cast was great. Led, of course, by the marvelous Phil Hartman. Except that the name didn't register right away.

And then one day I was watching Kiki's Delivery Service and what do you know, the cat's voice is Phil Hartman's. And suddenly I realized this is the guy. And I went into mourning. Seriously. Maybe that doesn't strike many people as odd, but I don't usually get bowled over by celebrity mishaps. When Princess Diana died, my main thought was, "Well, she won't be in the news that much anymore" (I was wrong). But Phil Hartman's death was a real blow. I started thinking about the animation voices he might have done, sitcoms he could have been in. It was a real wrench.

Anyway, if you haven't seen Newsradio in a while, and you want to put on a black armband and laugh yourself sick over the great Phil Hartman, the Complete Series is out on DVD. Here's a representative clip from"Smoking":

Slamming Doors and Removing Shoes: Cultural Instincts in Art

In the Season 2 episode of Frasier, "Roz in the Doghouse," Roz gets offended when Frasier questions why Bulldog wants her to work on his show. To demonstrate how mad she is, she stomps to the door and slams out of the apartment!

Well, that's the plan anyway. She's on crutches, so she has to slowly hobble her way to the door, yelling as she does: "I'm out of here!" She reaches the door! 

And then she has to come back because she forgot her purse. 

I always think of this episode when I'm watching Asian dramas and people take their shoes off while they are in the middle of a fight. 

Yup, he paused to slide off his shoes.

It isn't the same thing precisely. Roz is deliberately provoked and provoking. 

The shoe-taking-off is instinctual. In one episode, a character rushes home to stop a family confrontation and...he slides off his shoes at the door. He doesn't draw attention to the fact. He simply does it. 

The point of similarity is that Roz is enacting an understood cultural performance. In anger, one stomps away and slams the door! It is a known behavior pattern. 

Likewise, taking off one's shoes is ingrained. It's habit but it also can be performed: quickly, as the image shows here, or thoughtfully, as occurs in other dramas.

As Agatha Christie would say, "People can't help but give themselves away even when they are trying to hide stuff."

Like Victorians swooning on couches, people communicate in and use the cultural language they know.

More Chivalry Examples from Coach

I discuss chivalry in Elementary, Castle, Person of Interest, and Coach. 

Here's another example from Coach! 

Dauber is explaining to "walk-ons"--students who want to try out for football despite not being recruited--how to apply. They have to fill out ALL the paperwork. 

He finishes his instructions and asks if there are any questions. An attendee raises his hand.

"Do we have to fill out all the paperwork?" he asks in complete innocence. 

Any teacher who has just finished explaining an assignment in detail knows the frustration such a question arouses. Where have you been? I just SAID...

Dauber doesn't roll his eyes. He doesn't raise his voice. He doesn't get upset.

"Good question," he says sincerely. "You must fill out ALL the paperwork..." 

Dauber is kind--however, his behavior here is the deep chivalry of taking the event as it is. It is kindness that adheres to a consistent standard. Less about emotive compassion. More about "here's what I need to do right now." 

I once stood in line at the Help desk at Staples and listened to a Tech customer service guy explain to a customer for nearly 5 minutes that yes, it is strange that the software would cost more than the hardware but that is the way things are and here are your options. 

For nearly 5 minutes, he said the same thing over and over and over again to the same belligerent series of question. The customer never stopped, pondered, and made a decision. He just kept complaining. Yet the Tech service guy never raised his voice. He never rolled his eyes. He never got upset. 

My hero!

The same episode as Dauber's chivalrous kindliness includes Leonard Kraleman, the guy with the "body of a real plucky kid" who tries out for the team and gets hammered--"but he kept getting up!"

The Powerful Hilarity of Weird

As stated in the prior post, in order for a spoof to work, a common cultural understanding must exist. 

That is, like it or not, in order for comedy to work, "normal" must exist. For a thing to be weird--and therefore capable of tickling one's funny bone--the distortion of the expected rests on something being expected in the first place. 

In the Last Man Standing examples, the hilarity of the first scene is that Ed is the "weird old man" talking to Mandy on the Internet. "Weird old man" may conjure up images of sketchy guys peering voyeuristically from behind newspapers at shoppers in the local convenience store. This time, the "weird old man" is a wealthy business owner! 

The hilarity of the second is that Mike is conflicted between his desire to keep a "male only" space and his anger at people dismissing his daughters:

"But when people tell me my daughters can't do something that I know they can, I feel like punching them in their face--but I don't want to be a jerk. And I don't want to punch myself in the face. That's--that's--just weird."

Conflicted feelings are normal. Seeing oneself as weird (because one expects more consistency from the self) is also normal. We can all relate! 

My favorite is "Dogs are weird" from Martin in Frasier. It's such a perfect line for summing up anything that bugs us or surprises us or make us uncertain because we do have certain basic expectations: "Cats are weird. Taxes are weird. Other drivers are weird." 

The Wrong Lyrics Are Back!

Years ago, I posted about how listeners invent lyrics. Sometimes, we even prefer our invented lyrics. (RIP, Meat Loaf!)

We also forget lyrics, la-la-la-ing during the in-between bits. 

Coach, Season 2, has a very funny episode, "The Iceman Goeth," in which Coach--depressed at his break-up with Christine--goes to the local grill after his football team wins a game. He tries to cheer himself up by having everyone sing the school song. 

What is so hilarious about the "sing along" is that no one knows the "in-between bits" and no one cares! They "na-na-na" without pause during the stanzas. The "not knowing" HAS become the school song, which just proves that if you sing anything with enough confidence, people will likely believe you--or, at least, go along before they realize, "Huh, wait a minute!" 

Barney & Kleptaminaracks

Shakespeare wasn't the only writer to play with language!

In Season 2 of The Andy Griffith Show, "Guest of Honor," Barney expresses concern for a group of criminals he read about in a police magazine: 

Kleptaminaracks.

They sound so much more interesting than the regular kleptomaniacs! 

The scene is not the first time The Andy Griffith Show has played with language. 

A Fife by Any Other Name...

Grammar & Language: Jokes Based on Definitions 

 

Memorable Moment in Last Man Standing: Joking about Doomsdaying

I've been moving this post around from week to week for over three months now. I finally decided to post it in conjunction with my post on the Grand Canyon and my post on the problem of seamless political narratives. After all, doomsdaying is one of those supposedly seamless narratives!

One of my absolutely favorite sitcom lines occurs in Last Man Standing, "Free Range Parents." 

The bulk of the episode is Mike and Chuck helping Ryan deal with letting his son walk home by himself. 

Meanwhile...

At Outdoor Man, Ed puts on a workshop for preppers, people who prepare for the end of the world by building (entirely useless) bunkers. Yeah, not that much protection against an ASTEROID. 

Ed gives guileless Kyle questions to ask at the workshop. Reading off an index card, Kyle asks a prepared question about the "Yellowstone supervolcano."

Reading the question aloud, Kyle becomes more and more agitated. There's a supervolcano in Yellowstone Park?! When he expresses concern since his grandmother is going there on a bus trip, Ed reassures him:

"The last time it exploded was 174,000 years ago."

"That means it's due!" Kyle exclaims.

I LOVE this line. It is so entirely human. Sure, we know the statistics. But what will stop US from being THAT statistic THIS TIME? 

On the tougher, darker side, Ryan agrees with Mike that he is overreacting to the idea of his son's freedom but doesn't care--he just wants to keep this child/his child safe. 

To which Mike (and Tim Allen) responds, "[The news] makes everybody think they're living on one big cruise ship...The scared part of me had to be quiet so the other part of me could figure out what to do." 

At the end of the episode, Mike overrides Ed. He replaces the fearmongering prepper workshop with a seminar for parents since Outdoor Man is a "fear-free zone" which "sells courage...engagement." Kyle is the adorable and kid-like babysitter. Ryan attends.  

From a character-building perspective, the end of the episode delivers another great exchange between Mike and Ryan which illustrates that although Mike argues with Ryan, he reaches out to the younger man because he understands where Ryan is coming from. After all, Mike is sure that even after he dies, he'll stick around to make sure Mandy is taking care of her car.  

Memorable Moment: Great Line From Sitcom

In That 70's Show, the characters end up in the hospital for some reason (I saw the episode years ago). Red, played by the adorable Kurtwood Smith, grumbles:

"Why is it, everywhere we go, these kids come with us?"

It's a great line--in part, because it's true! 

As someone who lived through the 70's, I can say, yeah, it was kind of like that: everywhere you went, in a station wagon without seat belts, other people came along too. Piles of people roaming the town to attend ballgames and school activities and neighborhood activities--sometimes, just to drive around.

It's also amusing because it is great summary of odd scenes in episodes. For instance, in Criminal Minds, when the entire Scooby gang goes off to investigate a red herring, leaving Reed to defend the Hollywood actress alone, I think...

"Why is it, everywhere we go, all these other people come with us?" 

Best Barney Miller Episode Ever: "Werewolf"

"Werewolf," Season 3 of Barney Miller, has the perfect collection of cases. They involve the characters' personalities without straying (too far) into their home lives. 

Members of the 12th are working a night shift. Police officers are down with "swine flu." A nurse shows up to provide inoculations. A elderly tourist couple gets robbed. And the detectives collect a man claiming to be a werewolf. 

"And you wouldn't go to Yellowstone because of the bears," the elderly husband chides his wife. 

The episode starts with one of the show's funniest exchanges between Yemana and Harris:

Yemana: Pick up some coffee—2 lbs, drip grind.

Harris: Hey, man, look, I have to go out into the dark streets of this asylum to try and find some wacko who’s threatening to go off on a killing spree and you expect me to remember to pick up 2 pounds of coffee--drip grind?

 Yemana: Sorry.

Harris: Write it down!

The man who believes he is a werewolf, Koepeknie, played by regular Kenneth Tigar, begins to "change" at midnight. A hilarious routine ensues during which Koepeknie climbs the cage walls and Yemana calls plaintively for Barney. 

In terms of organization, the episode's events play out rapidly with no sags in pacing. And the characters expand their repertoire without losing their fundamental personalities. Wojo faints. Harris gets giddy around the nurse. Fish mutters, "Nothing's funny anymore." Yemana exhibits an artless fondness for the uncanny. 

Barney is authoritative without losing his wry gentleness. In response to Koepeknie's worry, "The doctors can't help me. You don't see a lot of lycanthropy anymore," he points out, "Then someone should be making progress." 

"I'm cursed. I'm not stupid," Koepeknie tells his minders at the end.

Life is weird. But people still function.

Fantastic episode.

Great Sitcom Moments: Frasier's Play On Words and Jokes About Bars

In "Moon Dance," Martin tries to dissuade the newly separated Niles from going to a ball with Daphne. He is afraid that Niles, who is still trying to reconcile with Maris, will say something he regrets. 

He tells a story of when he separated from Niles and Frasier's mother. He was attracted to the local coroner. One day, he slipped up and told her how he felt. He regretted it, and she was embarrassed.

"Boy, it was no fun going to the morgue after that!" he states.

In the middle of the story, he says, "One night, I invited her down to the corner bar."

"Coroners have their own bars?" Niles says. 

"No--CORNER bar."

It's the kind of play on words that backs my argument that many jokes arise out of the backroom as writers work on scripts together. I can picture one writer muttering, "Corner," and another mishearing it as "coroner." And suddenly they are all laughing, and voila! it goes in the script. 

It also highlights a commonality in sitcoms, namely, jokes about bars. When Coach ends up in a gay bar to track down one of his players, he states, "I've never even been in a gay bar--not that there is anything wrong with it--you people need a place to drink...you people need to dance."

And a Season 8 NCIS episode that explores death and mourning revolves around a joke about bars. 

Perhaps it all comes down to that joke (which is also a riddle):

"A man walks into a bar..."

Every Childhood has an Arnold

In Andy Griffith, Opie has a friend, Arnold. Arnold is that kid--the kid who, without being actually bad, always seems to cause chaos whenever he comes around. He also is the kid who brings up stressful topics, like where babies come from.

Important point: Arnold stresses out the adults in Opie's life. But Opie doesn't mind him at all. Arnold isn't a bully, and he may not be obviously disruptive--and yet--

In one episode, Andy says to Aunt Bee, "Isn't it a little early in the day for Arnold?"

Every mother and father seems to think that their child has an Arnold--which brings up the question: Does any parent think, "My child IS Arnold?"

The only living or fictional parent I can think of who admits to having an Arnold in the household is Tim Allen as Mike Baxter and Tim Taylor. In one episode, he states, "Don't let the kid next to you get you into trouble."

"Did that work for you?"

"I was the kid next to me," he replies.

Sheldon Golomb/Collins, who played Arnold, grew up to be a dentist.