Kate's Battles Against Annoying Companies: Amazon Prime

I recently needed to send a package quickly. Quite frankly, the easiest way to do it was to finally submit and get Amazon Student Prime (with my .edu account--all perfectly legal).

So I did. Partly, I confess, out of curiosity. Would I really save anything?

No.

Why?

Well, first off, I don't buy that much stuff to be shipped. And when I do, I usually wait until I've got $25 worth of stuff and get the free shipping.

Second, what do I buy a lot of? E-books. Except I rapidly discovered (keep in mind, I didn't research the Prime deal much beforehand) that in order to get special deals on e-books, I would need to get Kindle Unlimited. And there was no indication that I could find that having Prime would give me a break on Kindle Unlimited.

Third, I decided to at least give Amazon Prime a chance with Whole Foods. I shop there a lot--maybe I'd find myself making out like a bandit!

To be honest, I've never paid much attention when the Whole Foods cashiers ask me if I have Amazon Prime except to say, "No." But I sort of gathered, from the corner of my eye, that I would need to provide some kind of number or code.

So before I went to Whole Foods today, I went looking on Amazon for my Prime number.

There isn't one (actually, there is, but you have to register on Amazon Web Services, AWS, to see it).

Insert "phone" for "paper"--you get the idea.

So I decided to "chat" with Amazon customer service online--I was put through to (I am not kidding) three different people before I finally gave up (the last asked me, "Why do you need it?" Seriously? Because it's my number on my account?).

I went to Whole Foods anyway and made a complete fool of myself because, guess what, you have to have an app on your phone . . .

Now, you may be thinking, Well, what's the prob? Get the app on your phone.

I don't have a smartphone. I don't want a smartphone. I have no desire to become one of those texting people who think the world revolves around Twitter. I have a Tracfone. I use it to call AAA and put in take-out orders. I have a Kindle, but I don't have Wi-Fi at home, so it has limited uses.

Yup, I'm a Luddite. Or at least the 21st Century definition of one.

Anyway, I decided to give Amazon another chance, so after I got home, I started another "chat".

You would think I was the ONLY Amazon customer IN THE WORLD who doesn't have a smartphone. Because what did Amazon do? The same people who sold me on Student Prime? The same people who claimed it could change my life because of all the great deals?

Referred me to Whole Foods because "we're so sorry the app isn't working."

I responded, "The problem isn't the app. I don't have the app. I don't want the app. Is it possible to use Prime at Whole Foods WITHOUT a smartphone/app?"

They didn't know.

Again--I'm not kidding.

So I canceled Prime. It will take 6-months for the 6-months free offer to vanish, and some of you may be thinking, "Good for you, Kate! Use Amazon's stupid system to get free shipping on presents at Christmas!"

No. I will likely simply open a separate account instead.

Why? Because "encouraging" me to use the system for more than what I need is what I object to. I hate to sound all conspiracy theorist, but consider: Once I got Prime, I realized I'd have to sign up for more programs to get those deals. And I'd have to sign up on another site (AWS), which would eventually charge me, to track down basic account information. And I'd have to get a smartphone. And an app. And . . .

There's a poem about this.

I simply decided not to swallow the fly in the first place.

(Okay, to make the analogy work: I decided to vomit the fly in the first place.)